I have full-time childcare. I typically work from home. I’m not bouncing a baby on my hip during Zoom calls and still, I’m managing my kid, all day long.
Not physically, maybe. But mentally? Constantly.
In my opinion, that’s the part of working parenthood no one really prepares you for. Not your employer. Not your past self. Sometimes not even your friends. There’s a quiet surprise that hits you after becoming a mom (yes, even a “well-supported,” “flexible” one):
You thought childcare would mean you could focus at work.
And you can. Sort of.
But only in the cracks between pick-up math, backup plan contingencies, nap coordination, and 15 other logistics you’re silently juggling while showing up like your calmest, clearest, most competent self.
You thought childcare would mean you could focus at work. And you can. Sort of.
It’s Not About the Childcare. It’s the Calculation.
There’s a nonstop mental math going on in my head, and I’m not just talking about late-night feedings or emergency school calls.
I’m talking about:
What time I have to leave so I’m not late for pickup if traffic is bad
Whether the nanny will need to leave right at 5 or can stay 10 minutes longer
If I should skip lunch so I can finish something and still make the daycare cutoff
Whether there’s enough time after my 3:00 to pump, before my 4:00 starts
None of this isn’t even on your calendar, but all of it’s happening in your head. And to be clear, this isn’t about being a “good mom” or a “bad employee.” It’s just the reality of having a child — and a job — and trying to do both without letting anyone down.
The Load Doesn’t Magically Shift When You’re at Work
Here’s what I wish I’d understood earlier. That even with help, and privilege, and experience… it’s still a load. Yes, I can be grateful for support and honest about the strain. And I want to name that honestly, because if no one names it, it just feels like you’re the problem. Like you’re the one who can’t “focus” or be “fully present,” even when you’re crushing it at work. Because the truth is: you’re fully present everywhere.
And that’s the point.
If You’re a Working Parent, Here’s What’s Helped Me:
(These aren’t hacks. They’re reminders — for me, and maybe for you, too.)
1. Block It, Then Back It Up.
Yes, block your time — for pickup, pumping (especially this), or the drive across town — but also protect it.
If someone asks, “Do you have a hard stop?” don’t hesitate.
Say:
→ “I’ve got a firm cutoff at [insert time] — happy to circle back tomorrow.”
→ “Let’s finish this via Slack because I have a have a hard stop.”
Be kind. Be clear. Be done.
2. Meeting-Free Time Is More Than Just a Nice Idea
If your team doesn’t already have one, pitch it. A meeting-free block (even just half a day) lets you actually plan your workday around the moving parts of your life. Doctor’s appointments? Prepping for the week? Catching up on deep work?
It’s easier when you’ve got protected time to flex.
It doesn’t make you less committed; it makes your time more powerful.
3. Don’t Inherit Other People’s Urgency
This one’s taken me a while, probably because I used to be so guilty of this pre-kid.
Just because someone pings you late doesn’t mean it’s urgent.
Just because a calendar invite lands at 5:30 doesn’t mean you’re obligated to say yes.
Boundaries don’t make you less of a team player; they make you the kind of player who can keep playing.
4. Your Efficiency Isn’t a Flaw — It’s a Signal
I know I’m more efficient now, because parenthood forced me to be. That doesn’t mean I owe anyone 12 more projects just because I crushed 5 in record time.
If you’re good at your job and also protecting your life? You’re doing it right.
Want more?
We compile more practical, non-preachy suggestions like this in JuiceBox — our weekly survival guide for working parents of young kids.