Um, you may have noticed this email is coming to you on a Friday instead of our normal Wednesday, but I’m sending this late because…well…it was just one of those weeks.
To make it up to you, I’ll share a link to one of my recent favorite finds early with you: the totally free LEGO magazine that gets sent to your house 5x a year packed full of comics and activity ideas. It’s pretty awesome. And did we mention, free?
👉 Just reply to this email with “MAG” and I’ll send you the link personally!
Anyway- on to our regularly scheduled (albeit late) programming, which feels especially timely this week. Let’s talk division of work at home.
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Man, I wish I could say we have the whole who-does-what-and-how thing figured out in our house. Spoiler, we don’t.
With two working parents, two young kids, a boatload of logistics, and lots and lots of communicatio - even acknowledging there’s an imbalance doesn’t mean behavior or expectations magically shift. Case in point: "clean the cat box" clearly has many different…interpretations.
Neither of us is wrong. Both of us make an effort. But the reality is - and research consistently shows - that in many dual-income households, one parent often carries more of the invisible mental load. And, in many cases, that parent is the mother. Not always and not everywhere, of course, but often enough that it's worth discussing. (And if your house is already crushing it on this front: truly, congrats.)
This isn’t marriage content. It’s caretaker-team content. Partner. Nanny. Grandparent. Whoever you are co-parenting with in this season. Here, three ways to reset the invisible work without turning it into a performance review.
In this issue:
✅ A physical way to see who’s actually carrying what
✅ The 30-second energy check that prevents silent spirals
✅ The “define done” tweak that stops recurring resentment
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🧘♀️ Make the Invisible Visible (Fair Play Reset)
👉 If you’ve never seen it, the Fair Play system by Eve Rodsky is worth a look. There’s a book and a physical card deck.
Each card represents a household task. You and your partner sit down and distribute the cards based on who is currently responsible for what. Then you take a good, hard look…
It's helpful because suddenly you're holding a physical representation of your mental load. (It's pretty hard to argue with a stack of cards someone is physically holding.)
Then, you use that to recalibrate as needed. Worth noting- if you become the owner of the card, you truly own that task. It's not just “laundry.” It's laundry from start to finish —> noticing it, sorting it, washing it, folding it, putting it away.
That's the key. No partial ownership. No “I’ll help.” Say it with us: clarity often reduces resentment more than effort alone.
🤝 The “How Full Is Your Tank?” Check-In
👉 This one is simple, but it works.
When you're both home at the end of the day, each person names a number from 0–100. That’s how much energy they have left.
“I'm at 25%.”
“I’ve got maybe 60%.”
“I’m at 10%. Today was brutal.”
It removes guesswork, stops the silent assumption that the other person “should” handle dinner or bedtime, and most of all, helps create better communication and empathy across parties.
BONUS: it works with school-age kids too!
“How full is your tank after school?” (Because sometimes the meltdown isn’t defiance, it’s depletion.)
Pay attention to any patterns that start to emerge. If one person is consistently below 30%, that’s not a bad day - that's a more systemic issue that's worth discussing. This tip is based on a recommendation by Mel Robbins, and she has 5 more tips to improve your evenings when you're struggling with overwhelm and decision fatigue.
💬 Define “Done” (Before You Explode About the Cat Box)
👉 A whole lot of resentment isn’t about laziness. It’s about mismatched standards.
“Clean the kitchen.”
“Make lunches.”
“Tidy the entryway.”
"Pack the diaper bag."
We could go on…
The task? Get on the same page for what "done" actually means.
The move:
Sit down with your partner.
Pick three tasks max.
Set a 15-minute timer.
Bring snacks. (The good kind. From the top shelf.)
Then ask:
“When you say you’ll handle X, what does ‘done’ look like to you?”
And compare answers.
Not: “You never do this right.”
But: “Oh. You think ‘laundry done’ means washed and dried. I think it means folded and put away.”
In organizational psychology, unclear completion criteria create what’s called “role ambiguity.” Role ambiguity drives stress and dissatisfaction in teams. The good news? This can be a simple tactic to reduce those recurring arguments.
PLUS- this applies beautifully to kids:
“Clean your room” vs. “Toys in bins, books on shelf, clothes in hamper.”
Because, ladies and gents, we are not raising future adults who think laundry ends in the dryer.
💼 This Week’s Work Home WTF
Inspired by real life events.
Scenario:
You’re not mad. You’re just tired. (Ok, maybe a little mad.) And you can’t tell if it’s the season… or the imbalance.
What We Wish We Could Say:
“HELLO??!! COULD YOU PLEASE USE THOSE BLINKING ORBS IN YOUR HEAD?!"
Steal This Response:
“I’m feeling pretty underwater lately. I know you’ve been making an effort too, but can we sit down this week and look at what we’re each owning? I think some clarity about how things are divided would help.”
K that’s all. You’re the best and we love you.
-CK “Unsure if Mad or Exhausted” Fuller (Editor) & the JB Crew 🫡
P.S. Next week: We're talking "leaps." Aka- your whole routine just got blown up, again.
*Quick note: Some links in here may be affiliate links. You know the drill- if you buy something, we might earn a small commission that helps offset the time we spend making JuiceBox. Thank you for supporting this project of ours.